Love Returns
My reflections on the impact of Marianne Williamson's book A RETURN TO LOVE: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
It is the 32nd anniversary of the publication of Marianne Williamson’s pivotal book A Return to Love. As this great teacher prepares to share a tutorial review and study of it’s contents, I am compelled to take a moment and reflect on fear. The fears, although justified, that ran my childhood into near exhaustion, and those that I carried with me like accomplishment trophies. They came with me into my young adult life and accompanied me into my marriage. The fears that I wrote about a few years ago, and all the conscious work I have done to since let them go.
I had occasion to meet Marianne Williamson for the 1st time in the late 90’s in Toronto. Said marriage was about to end. I was welcomed to the mic and took advantage of that time to point out those of her books I had read and the lesson that emerged from each. I went on to seek guidance on how to move forward with grace. It was a compelling moment for me, not only was the audience captive, but I could feel the empathy and support from those seated closest to me in that dark auditorium. Arm pressed against the cold stone wall, my mic time complete. Marianne looked right at me, and with her delicate, warm cadence said, “let’s pray”. In a moment I have never forgotten, I watched as an entire willing audience was led in blessing my life and the lives of my ending family, toward the ultimate highest good.
At the end of the seminar, I went to see Ms.Williamson to thank her, she greeted me with warm open arms, “Robi”, she intoned warmly, as though we were long lost friends, she held my hands and proceeded to thank me for what I had said and wished me well. Little did I know that I would go on to meet her 2 other times, or that one day she would run for President of the United States, or that I would move there myself.
Not long after, I attended a weekend retreat for the Introduction to Landmark Education (formerly EST). My breakthrough out of there inspired me to write a letter to my husband. It’s content was to apologize for making him responsible for my happiness and likewise, for my unhappiness. In that moment, we were both freed. Marianne says in A Return to Love, “…according to A Course in Miracles, the search for the perfect person to ‘fix’ us is one of our biggest psychic wounds, and one of the ego’s most powerful delusions.” He later informed me that he too had read A Return to Love. I was frozen in shock, and later equally saddened by the impact of this unnecessary secret, and the lost opportunity of something we could have shared.
Love is the easy part, I thought. I knew that I loved him unconditionally to the end. I also know that he didn’t always feel it. Was it his radar or receptor that was turned off, or did something get lost in translation? Perhaps our love languages were different, foreign to one another. When I asked him why he decided our relationship was over, he told me simply that he was “no longer in love with me”. “Only what you have not given”, it says in A Return to Love, “can be lacking in any given situation”.
Once I had left my life to start anew, I committed some time one afternoon to write a release letter. I wanted to get to the bottom of my pain, leaving it no room to further cause disruption in my life.
I sat at the dining room table with a large sheet of paper and, as fate would have it, a red pen, and I began. I hate you…At the time, I thought I was only saying it to him. It evolved to encompass all those who had hurt me over time. It was specific, it was general. It was angry and angrier and angrier, until the tears came and it blurred the page. I wrote on both sides of the paper. Up, down, backwards, word on word, pain on pain, anger on anger. I promised myself I would write until I could write no more, and I did. I didn’t bank on running out of ink. The Universe said, “that’s enough, you are empty”.
Remembering that I had a fire going in the wood stove, I was inspired to throw the whole page in. As I watched, I let it go, its contents, and its hold on me. The blue flames melted the red ink, the yellow heat turning the page to ash. I sat. No more tears available, in silence, alone, quiet, still. Until the fire died and there was nothing but a few pink embers at the back of the stove and white ash at the front. It’s over.
As I stood to close the glass door, an object caught my eye. Reaching in to the now cool ash, I pulled out a small, dry piece of paper that had not burned. Charred at its edges, I could not believe what I held. A small, palm sized, heart.
This experience had brought me home, a full return to love.
To my former husband that I once held so dear, if you ever read this please know that whatever you may have thought throughout all of these 22 years, I was right. Love is the easy part. You just have to prepare your heart. I hope you have had ample opportunities to love since then.
And to my dear dear spiritual guide, Marianne Williamson, although I and my daughter have had the occasion to meet you again in person (once prayed upon by you on her 3rd day of life, straight from the hospital and surrounded by hundreds at the Edgar Cayce Center in Virginia Beach Virginia, and later at 18 months at a Louise Hay I Can Do It seminar in Florida), you have never left my side. Your words guide me, your fierce commitment for good guides me, your ever growing and evolving wisdom guides me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
There is no room for fear here.
I checked it at the door.
Blessings,
Robi Byrd
If you would care to deep dive into Marianne Williamson’s teachings from *A RETURN TO LOVE: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles (a fabulous opportunity offered for the first time in 10 years), you can do so on A Return to A Return to Love
The choice is simple, love or fear?
~“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” p.xviii
~“Our barriers to love are rarely consciously chosen. They are our efforts to protect the places where the heart is bruised.” p.125 *
~“In asking that God’s will be done, we are instructing our minds to focus on the beauty in life, to see all the reasons to celebrate instead of mourn.” p.236 *
Celebrate with Marianne Williamson! It could change your life :)
Thanks for knocking!
Robi Byrd